Itachi's World Spoken and Unfurled
by Pepsi Dragon
Summary: POV Yaoi story with lots of BAD lil words. Mainly about ItaKis and some manly bits...ooh...but as the story quickly moves on, KabOro and some others pop up too. Great story for those with immature and rudey senses of humour. Rated because it's naughty!
1. Sasuke Visits

**Points Of View - Sasuke Visits**

**Itachi's POV**

I woke up feeling drowsy, the clock said it was 5pm in big red digital numbers. I groaned, why did I always wake up every three hours when I slept? Was it insomnia?

I shifted my leg under the cover and a tingly feeling shot up my spine as my leg brushed up against something warm.

I rolled over to face Kisame; he was really cute when he slept. I reached across and stroked Kisame's face; he smiled and wriggled closer to me subconsciously, his face told me he was having pleasant dreams.

I eventually drifted back to sleep, but 7am, Kisame was already up and in the bathroom showering. I yawned and rubbed my eyes; Kisame was humming in the shower as usual.

I slid out of the bed and my bare feet touched plush cream carpet. Kisame sounded extra cheerful this morning.

When I entered the bathroom I couldn't help but stand mesmerised for a moment, Kisame's greatly built body was just about visible through the shower curtain.

"Ohayo!" Kisame said happily, pulling the shower curtain aside and making my eyes trail hungrily up and down his muscular body.

"Ohayo…" I managed to mumble, unable to take my eyes off Kisame's most beautiful manly area.

Kisame came out of the shower and kissed me tenderly on the cheek, I closed my eyes and then smiled, there was that warm tingly feeling again.

"Hurry up and shower, we're gonna have lots of fun today!" Kisame chuckled as he went into the bedroom to towel dry himself and get dressed.

I turned around and watched as Kisame's firm grey buttocks shook sexily as he walked, those buns looked good enough to eat.

I kicked off my black silk boxers and stepped into the shower, warm water came gushing down over my head.

"Itachi?" I heard Kisame's voice call over the therapeutic water sound.

I turned around as Kisame's arms reached into the shower and grabbed my shoulders.

"I'll scrub your back for you Itachi-kun." He said softly.

**Kisame's POV**

I grabbed a bottle of shower cream and began lathering it into Itachi's shoulders, he moaned gratifyingly as if my hands were massaging away stress and sorrow.

Itachi was always a bit stressed out, I sometimes think that he regrets slaying his clan and every time he sees his brother, his guilt increases and he just closes up.

I moved my hands from his shoulders to his back, Itachi leaned forwards against the tiled wall and I had to lean a bit more inwards to reach him.

My hands gently rubbed the shower cream around Itachi's back and chest, he shivered slightly under my touch. Was he cold?

**Itachi's POV**

Kisame's touch was making me feel extremely tingly; it was pleasant, but also kind of tickly.

My hands clawed against the tiled wall, Kisame was massaging my ass. Oh it felt so good!

Kisame looked big and rough, but really he was as gentle as a young woman. He'd always been there for me, comforting me when I was down, helping me when in was in distress.

"Kisame…" I screamed out, as his hands reached round the front and lathered against my groin, "Oh…"

**Kisame's POV**

Itachi hunched over as my hands brushed again his cock, I think he was enjoying his shower.

I grinned; Itachi did not look like the type who was into affection, be when I touched him, I knew he loved the attention.

My hands lingered for a bit and then moved onto his thighs ever so slowly, Itachi groaned as if he was disappointed. Sometimes Itachi would want things, but he'd never actually get round to asking for them.

**Itachi's POV**

Kisame had paused on my groin, before moving on downwards. I was a little mad at Kisame, if he wanted something, then why didn't he just go ahead and get it?

When Kisame had finished massaging the soapy substance all over me I stood under the shower and let the water wash satisfyingly over me.

Kisame handed me a towel, I roughly dried myself with it and then wrapped it around my waist and stepped out of the shower. My hair was dangling limp against my face and I was still so very tired.

I reached for a towel to dry my hair, but Kisame was already drying it for me with another towel. I bent forwards slightly, so that that it was easier for Kisame's hands to work with.

"Want me to hairdryer it?" Kisame asked, taking the towel away.

I nodded weakly and followed Kisame back to our room and sat myself on the edge of the bed, whilst he plugged in the hairdryer.

**Kisame's POV**

I clicked the hair dryer onto medium blast and hovered it over Itachi's beautiful hair. It was long, black and shiny and I loved the feel of it.

I ran my finger through his hair like a comb and noticed that Itachi was practically falling asleep, listening to the whir of the hairdryer.

It didn't take long to dry his hair, but when I turned the hairdryer off, Itachi didn't move. I bent over and peered into his face, his eyes were closed.

**Itachi's POV**

The nice whirring sound stopped, Kisame had turned the hairdryer off, but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes.

Something soft pressed against my lips and forced me down flat onto the bed. I reached up and pressed Kisame closer to me, he was so warm and huggable.

Kisame was nibbling tenderly on my lips, I ran my hands along Kisame's back and then settled them around his neck.

**Kisame's POV**

When I bent down to look at Itachi, at first he didn't do anything and kept his eyes closed. I was worried, was he ill?

However, just as I was turning away, I saw Itachi's lips moved, it looked like he'd said, "Kiss me," so I did.

**Itachi's POV**

I forced myself to open my eyes; Kisame was kneeling above me, smiling that big toothy grin. I sat up and yawned, I felt like just curling up and going back to sleep.

The air was kind of chilly and Kisame was just so warm, I didn't want his body to be away from mine. I leaned across and fell limp against Kisame's chest, his arms reach round to hold me and I snuggled closer to him.

I felt something soft and warm touch my forehead. Life was good.

**Kisame's POV**

Itachi was just so cute, like a little sleeping animal pressed against my chest.

"Itachi-kun…If you're tired, you can go back to sleep."

Itachi didn't move, but instead his hands reached round and hugged my waist. I kissed his forehead and tucked him back into bed, but as I turned to leave he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him.

I sat on the edge of the bed, stroking his luxurious black hair until he fully fell asleep. He looked so peaceful.

**Itachi's POV**

I was halfway between sleep and consciousness, I heard Kisame walk away and my mind wandered off into dreamland. In my first dream I was with my family, they were still alive.

Everything was happy in my dream for a while, but then my father pressured me, the ANBU pressured me…I was being smothered…

**Sasuke's POV**

I snuck in through an open window and grinned maliciously as I heard soft snoring. A chest was slowly rising and falling under the covers.

"Heh…today bro…you'll die!" I whispered excitedly tiptoeing closer to the large double bed.

His bodyguard Kisame didn't seem to be around, I didn't have much time, it was now or never!

I grabbed the other pillow and pressed it against Itachi's solemn sleeping face. At first nothing happened, but as oxygen ceased to reach Itachi's lungs, his arms flailed up at me.

"Heh…this is for killing the Uchiha's…" I hissed, pressing the pillow down harder.

**Itachi's POV**

I woke up, I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe…

But I could hear…Sasuke!

I raised my arms to try and pull him off, but he was strong and persistent, shoving the pillow hard into my face.

Usually I would have been able to defeat Sasuke in a flash, but today I was as weak and defenceless as a child, what the hell was wrong with me!

**Kisame's POV**

I rushed at Itachi's brother and flung him across the room. He hit the wall rigidly and then dropped to the floor unconscious. I'd been in the middle of eating my cornflakes, when I sensed trouble and ran worriedly back to Itachi-kun.

"Itachi? Itachi-kun?" I said softly, as Itachi sat up coughing and gasping for air.

His body was shaking and his eyes shut as if he was in excruciating pain. I hugged him tightly, trying to stop the tremors going through his body.

"Itachi?" I whispered, but he wouldn't stop shaking.

**Sasuke's POV**

Damn it that really hurt.

I opened my eyes, being hurled into a solid wall had severely winded me.

Kisame was wrapped around Itachi like a blanket…absolutely disgusting.

I blinked, Itachi didn't look well, was he dying?

**Itachi POV**

I was shaking all over, I could feel Kisame's warm body caressing mine and yet I couldn't stop shuddering long enough to hug him back.

"Ki-Kisame…" I managed to croak.

"Itachi! Are you alright?" I heard his voice reply his voice seemed so distant.

"W-Where is S-Sasuke?" I asked. I felt like I was dying, shrivelling up and disintegrating.

**Sasuke's POV**

"I'm right here!" I bellowed, chidori blaring.

Kisame released Itachi and turned to face me, he didn't look like he was going to fight me, he just looked kind of distressed.

"YAAAAAARGH! DIE ITACHI!" I screamed, lunging towards my helpless brother.

My hand was inches from that bastard Itachi's face, but Kisame got in the way and my chidori hit him in the gut instead.

**Kisame's POV**

Pain electrified throughout my body, I hadn't realised Itachi's brother had become this strong.

I grunted and looked Sasuke in the eye, he looked surprised that I hadn't keeled over and died after absorbing the full force of his little technique.

"Itachi-kun…Sasuke's right here…" I whispered gently.

**Itachi's POV**

I sat up wearily. I was still shaking slightly.

Sasuke's angry little face came into view when I opened my eyes.

I smiled, I hadn't seen him in such a long time, and he'd grown.

"Hello brother…" I said, my voice sounded hoarse and Sasuke glared harder at me as I tried to speak.

Kisame grinned and grabbed Sasuke by the arms, just in case he tried to attack me again.

**Sasuke's POV**

"Let me go bastard! Let go!" I yelled, as Kisame's grip tightened around my arms and then he lifted me clearly off the ground.

I shot a fierce look at Itachi, but all he did was smile. I felt a pain in my heart, Itachi looked tired and weary, like the way he used to always look before he killed everyone.

"Sasuke…" My brother said, his voice was really weak, unlike the evil brother I knew, "…it's good to see you again…I've missed you."

I growled and kicked Kisame in the groin and pounced onto the bed.

"Do you miss Mum and Dad too! Do you miss everyone you killed! DO YOU!" I shrieked grabbing Itachi by his hair.

Kisame groaned behind me and then I felt a painful smack across my back.

**Kisame's POV**

That little shit! He kicked me really hard!

I hit him across the back and he turned around and punched me in the gut.

I swear…if Itachi didn't still have some special brotherly attachment to him, I would have annihilated him by now!

**Sasuke's POV**

Ha! I hit out at the shark man again, this time in the face.

I turned my attention back to my evil brother; he was still smiling creepily and looked a bit dazed.

I glanced at Kisame, to make sure he wasn't going to attack me, but then a pair of arms wrapped around me.

**Itachi's POV**

I hugged my brother tightly; he was quite bony and struggled furiously.

"Sasuke…" I whispered looking into his eyes of burning hatred,

"…Gomenasai…everything I did was wrong…Gomenasai, Gomenasai…" I said sadly, nuzzling his face into my chest.

Sasuke then head butted me, which was quite unexpected and so I released him.

**Sasuke's POV**

That bastard! That BASTARD! He thought I would stop hating him if he apologised!

He killed our entire family and he expected me to be fine with it! I boiled up with fury and lunged out.

Damn him! Damn him! Damn him!

However Kisame interfered again, but this time he lifted me up and carried me over to the window…Oh shit!

**Kisame's POV**

"Arigato for visiting! We must do it again sometime, sayonara!" I said quickly, flinging Sasuke out of the window.

It was only the second floor, but I wished it were the hundredth.

Sasuke pirouetted in the air and then landed on his feet on the ground scowling.

I then watched in amusement as Sasuke pulled at the skin under his right eye and stuck his tongue out.

"Nyah, screw you asshole!" He screamed before dashing off into the distance, "I'll be back!"

**Itachi's POV**

After Kisame had seen my dear brother to the door…um…window, he came and sat on the edge of the bed.

"You've stopped shaking." He said cheerily.

I smiled, "Yeah…all my stress has gone."

Kisame leaned in towards me, "I'm glad."

**Kisame's POV**

I brushed the stray hairs from Itachi's face and moved closer to him.

RING! RING!

I sighed and went to the kitchen to answer the phone.

"Moshi Moshi!" I said.

"MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHA!" Someone cackled over the phone.

"Um…who is this?"

"MWAHAHAHA! This is…oh Kabuto you do the explaining, I'm bored."

I scratched my head, Kabuto?

"Um…hello?" A new softer voice came onto the phone, "This is Kabuto and Orochimaru-sama would like to issue a challenge…"

I listened to Kabuto and then put the phone down. Orochimaru… the legendary sannin who quit Akatsuki, wanted to challenge Itachi?

**Itachi's POV**

"Who was on the phone?" I mumbled sleepily, "Was it another telesales man?"

Kisame frowned and sat on the edge of the bed again, the mattress sagged as he sat.

"No. It's Orochimaru…"

"Oh…" I replied surprised, "What does that traitor want?"

"Um…he wants you to um…go to his birthday party…"

"Oh…" I repeated, "Do I have to?"

Kisame grinned, "Kabuto says if no one turns up at his birthday party again, he'll destroy Konoha."

"Ah…I see, he did that last time too didn't he…I guess we better go then."

**End Of Chapter**

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Okay I know Itachi was a little depressing in this first chapter, but everything is much lighter in the next one. You give me reveiws...I give you the next chappie. Deal? The next chapter is called Orochimaru's Party.

Let me know if you like this story okay...or if you think it's a load of bull... anyways...reveiws!

oOo Pepsi Dragon oOo


	2. Orochimaru's Party

**Points Of View – Orochimaru's Party ****Kisame's POV**

I can't believe Itachi's actually making us go to Orochimaru's birthday party. I didn't know he still cared about Konoha, but then again Itachi was always full of surprises.

I yawned, it was 11am but I was feeling tired from this morning, when Itachi's little brother had decided to visit. Itachi was feeling really stressed out in this morning, but everything miraculously went better as soon as Sasuke showed up. Yep…Itachi is a strange and interesting guy!

I stretched and yawned again; Itachi was standing in front of the wardrobe, wondering what to wear to Orochimaru's birthday party.

"Itachi-kun…why can't we just wear our Akatsuki clothes?" I asked, watching him fling numerous shirts out of the wardrobe.

"Hmm?" He said, "It's not very happy and party-like to go in our work uniform."

Itachi pulled out an orange shirt with a black stripe going horizontally through the chest, "Hmm…Kisame, how's this one?"

I frowned, "It's a bit boring."

Itachi agreed, "Yeah…"

**Itachi's POV**

Kisame found one of my favourite shirts boring? We'll he is half ogre, half shark, so I excused his odd fashion sense and continued looking through the other clothes.

"How's this one?" I asked pulling out another of my favourite shirts, he better not diss this one.

Kisame looked at the shirt and a massive grin spread across his face, "Yeah that one definitely suits you."

I looked at the shirt, it was black with silver buttons that had skulls engraved on them and across the back it said 'Mr.Sexy' in white block lettering.

I routed around in the wardrobe for some pants and Kisame came to my side.

"Want me to help?" He whispered kissing me on the neck.

I smiled, "How are these?" I asked holding up a pair slightly faded black jeans.

Kisame glanced at them and then kissed my neck again, "Those are your tight ass hugging ones aren't they?"

"Yes."

Kisame planted numerous kisses along my neck, leading up to my lips, "Perfect", he said, before pressing his lips onto mine.

**Kisame's POV**

Itachi dropped the clothes he was holding and his arms wrapped around my neck as he kissed me back lovingly.

"Hmm…what are you going to wear?" He asked, before reaching up to lick my gills.

I smiled, "How 'bout nothing?"

Itachi grinned, "That sounds great."

About ten minutes later, after we'd stopped madly kissing each other, I went over to the wardrobe and pulled out my favourite casual outfit.

It was a navy sleeveless t-shirt that had a picture of 'Jaws' on the front, matched with some really nice black cargo pants that had quite a few buckles and studs on it.

We changed into our party clothes as the party started at 4pm that very day, Orochimaru had the shittiest timing in letting us know. He didn't tell us last week or yesterday…he told us this morning, Orochimaru is so stupid!

I stared at Itachi and his skintight jeans, "Hmm…you look good enough to eat."

Itachi smiled and tied his hair into a ponytail, "We'd better go buy Orochimaru a birthday gift."

I frowned, "Do we have to?"

Itachi walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek, "Birthdays need presents, or they're no fun."

**Itachi's POV**

We walked into the centre of Konoha and wandered around the market stalls, seeing nothing really interesting or suitable.

"What about this?" Kisame joked, holding up a bright red child's potty.

I chuckled, "Orochimaru, doesn't know how to use them, he's still in nappies remember?"

A few more minutes later we found a stall selling pretty hair accessories, figuring that Orochimaru had such long hair, perhaps he'd like to style it too.

Kisame laughed, grabbing a hand full of pink, purple and cream bobbles, whilst I picked out a cute gift bag with teddy bears on it to put the hair accessories in.

"Hmm…maybe we should get something else as well," I said peering into the half empty gift bag, "It seems a bit cheap to give him so less."

Kisame nodded, "Yeah…it needs to be a bit more special…after all he is like sixty or something now isn't he?"

**Kisame's POV**

We eventually found a rather interesting stall, with lot and lots of jewellery in it. Itachi smiled and pointed to a snake shaped ring, choker and earring set.

"It's perfect isn't it?" Itachi said cheerily.

I smiled and bought the jewellery; Itachi was great at choosing gifts. One time he bought me a massive shark teddy, because he thought it reminded him of me. Another time he bought me a set of strawberry bath gels. Itachi loves strawberries, I'm not sure why, but he loves strawberry smelling shampoo, shower scrub, toothpaste…everything. Oh yeah…and after he gave me the wonderful bath gels, he helped me use it by scrubbing my back…and everywhere else. Heh, heh…good times.

Itachi looked at me, "What are you thinking?"

I grinned, "Oh nothing…just some nice memories."

Itachi smiled, "Hey look there's an ice cream stand, lets go get some,"

And so we walked home, happy with ice creams, of course Itachi had strawberry flavour, whilst I stuck with some nice mint choc chip.

However, on our way home, we bumped into someone annoying.

**Kabuto's POV**

I was buying Orochimaru-sama another couple of birthday gifts, after all I'd only bought him fifty presents so far and that was no where enough for my sweet Orochimaru-sama!

I swung my shopping bags cheerily, with 'Icha Icha Paradise – Special Gay Edition', a large snake teddy and a large box of chocolates jiggling around in it.

Just as I was about to go to the florists, I saw Itachi and Kisame, walking my way.

"Hiya Itachi-kun, Kisame-kun!" I said waving to them, "You coming by the party later?"

Kisame didn't say anything, but Itachi kindly smiled and said, "Yes, of course."

Itachi is such a nice young man, handsome too!

I watched as the two men disappeared off into the distance and then I went off to buy some more gifts.

**Kisame's POV**

Kabuto is such a creepy freak! He was staring at us all that time we went past, it gave me the willies I tell you!

When we got home, it was 1pm; we still had three hours till the party.

"Itachi-kun, what do you want to do now?" I asked, plonking myself down on the living room sofa.

"Hmm…" Itachi put the presents on the kitchen table and then he joined me on the sofa, "…dunno…"

I yawned, "Wanna play some games?"

**Itachi's POV**

I undid my bobble and ran my fingers through my hair, Kisame's ideas of games, were usually quite strange.

"Um…okay, what game?"

Kisame smiled, "Let's play naughty words."

I scratched my head, "Naughty words?"

Kisame grinned, "For example I could say, Itachi you sexy shit covered little bastard."

I blinked and then chuckled, "Interesting game, you giant chocolate cock."

"Hmm…not quite naughty enough you filthy shark fucker." Kisame said, moving closer to me.

I racked my brains for some dirtier words, "You…um…" Damn it! My mind was completely blank. I was losing! "You…you massive rotten strawberry flavoured wanker!"

"Am I strawberry flavoured?" Kisame asked curiously.

"No you're a horny piss covered pile of pus!" I said, feeling that I was almost getting the hang of the game.

"Horny piss covered pile of pus?" Kisame burst into laughter.

I blushed, it was not normal for me to blush, but right then I couldn't help it.

**Kisame's POV**

Itachi was kind of crap at this game, I mean horny piss covered pile of pus! I just couldn't stop laughing.

"Can we play something else?" Itachi asked, acting all annoyed and bored.

I smiled and thought for a second, "Okay…how about we play…how many ice cubes?"

Itachi smiled, "I'll win this one!"

I went to the fridge and collected a huge bowl of ice cubes.

"Okay," I said smiling, "We take turns in putting ice cubes on each other and then whoever can't take the cold loses."

Itachi grinned confidently as I dropped an ice cube down his pants. Itachi shivered a bit but then he was back to normal.

"Your turn!" He said happily shoving an ice cube straight into my boxers.

"Ooh…c-cold!" I mumbled cheerily grabbing an Ice cube for Itachi.

About twenty ice cubes each later, we were both shivering and I think our underwear was pretty full.

Itachi decided to continue shovelling ice cubes into my pants anyway; I swear my cock was so cold, I thought it was going to fall off!

Itachi was shivering as much as I was, but I thought I'd just let him win.

"O-Okay…y-you w-win!" I said pulling my pants down so that all the ice cubes fell out and clattered onto the floor.

Itachi grinned and said, "Y-Yeah! I-I t-told y-y…y-you that I w-would win!"

**Itachi's POV**

I emptied my groin area of ice cubes and then plonked down on the sofa. Damn it! I couldn't feel my dick!

"Heh…you up for another game?" Kisame asked, a twinkle in his eye.

I smiled, "I'll win it whatever it is."

Kisame leaned over and whispered, "Let's play the make out for ages game."

"Hmm…okay."

We kissed each other for ages and ages and ages and ages and ages and ages and ages and ages and ages and ages and ages and ages and ages…and we did some er hem…other naughty things too. Heh, heh…

I looked at the clock, Oh shit! It's 3.30 already!

"Kisame," I mumbled, he was nibbling my ears, "Kisame!"

"Huh?" Kisame mumbled, "Do we have to go!"

I got up and grabbed Orochimaru's gift bag of presents, "Yes Kisame, come on."

"There better be some really yummy cake," Kisame grumbled, "I'd rather be spending my time playing our games!"

I smiled, "So would I, but we don't want Orochibastard throwing a tantrum and destroying Konoha do we?"

**Orochimaru's POV**

Ooh! I WAS SO EXCITED! I could barely contain the ecstatic pleasure that I was feeling knowing that my birthday party would be the BEST ONE EVER!

Kabuto had decorated the hall in our secret hideaway with hundreds and hundreds of helium filled balloons and there were pretty neon lights all over the walls! So pretty! So pretty! Like me!

I was dressed up in my favourite clothes today, my lilac frilly flamenco style shirt and crisp cream trousers. I looked so gorgeous!

**Kabuto's POV**

Orochimaru-sama looked so HAPPY! And I was HAPPY for him! I'd spent many, MANY, MAAAAAAAANY! Hours decorating the gloomy hall and now it looked fit for a party prince.

I watched Orochimaru dance around and around, his frilly sleeves waving as he did a beautiful turn, cartwheel and finished with an adorable pose…aah! So ADORABLE! Just like those figure ice skaters!

I'd laid out a massive feast on the huge table at the centre of the room. The table cloth I made…oh the agony of stitching the damn thing!…it took me a whole month and I had stabbed my fingers with the needle at least seven hundred times!…oh yeah…anyway the table cloth…the pain was worth it because it ended up beautiful, just like Orochimaru!

**Itachi's POV**

We arrived at Orochimaru's place, 4pm on the dot. I thought we'd have trouble finding the place, but that would be impossible, especially since a massive Orochimaru shaped blimp balloon was hovering out side the place.

Kabuto welcomed us in. I stared…I blinked…whoa…

**Kisame's POV**

OH…MY…GOD…

I stared…I blinked…I burst out laughing! Kabuto was so gay! I mean…um…well we were all 'gay' really, y'know 'cause I'm with Itachi-kun and Kabuto's with Orochimaru…but seriously, at least we didn't LOOK it. Kabuto…OMG! OMG! OMG!… his outfit practically shouted 'GAY!'

I couldn't control the hysteria and Kabuto looked at me funny, but that just made me laugh even harder!

"What's so amusing?" Kabuto asked, pushing his glasses up.

I bit my lip, "Y-You're a cross dresser!" I burst out laughing again. Itachi just stood there. I think he was frozen in shock.

**Orochimaru's POV**

YAY! My first guests! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

I jumped up and down clapping my hands giddily.

Kisame was chuckling, what was he laughing at? I stopped jumping and walked over to Kabuto's side, greeting the guests.

"HI ITACHI-KUN! KISAME-KUN!" I squealed, placing my hands on their shoulders.

Kabuto was frowning, Kisame was laughing…Itachi was frozen stiff…heh…stiff…er hem…anyways…was Kisame laughing at my Kabuto-kun!

I looked at Kabuto, I'd made him dress up like a maid, you know, those really sexy ones in black fish net tights, black high heels and a really short black dress…drool…er hem…Kabuto looked delicious!

**Itachi's POV**

I couldn't believe Kabuto was wearing such a thing! It was just…so…sexy…

If only I could get Kisame to wear something like that!

I glanced at Orochimaru, I think he'd just greeted me or something, he was drooling a bit now…thick slimy drool…Ew.

"Happy Birthday Orochimaru um kun." I said, handing him his gift bag.

"Oh call me Oro-kun!" He said excitedly snatching the bag out of my hand and pulling the gifts out of it hungrily.

**Kisame's POV**

I took a deep breath, damn Kabuto looked stupid!

I looked at Orochimaru…nah…not as funny looking as Kabuto!

"Happy Birthday!" I said cheerily, patting Orochimaru on the back.

Orochimaru squealed like a teenage girl, OMG…my ears! Ow!

I smiled as Orochimaru, pulled out the hair bobbles and tried to tie his hair in bunches.

**Kabuto's POV**

I really dislike Kisame…he laughed at my cute maid outfit…bastard.

"Oh Kabuto-kun! Help me with my hair!" Orochimaru-sama said waving some bobbles in my face.

I smiled, Orochimaru always cheered me up. He was so cute! He'd tied his hair up all wrong, so I undid it and tied his hair up into four neat long floppy bunches.

While I was doing this, I noticed Kisame, that bastard! Go over to the table and grab handfuls of snacks, before shoving them all down his throat. Greedy bastard!

End Of Chapter

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There are no lemons...there might be limes...but please oh please reveiw...

The story gets better in 'A Big Cock Up' You can't tell me that does'nt catch your attention...


	3. A Big Cock Up

**Hmm...Not that many reveiws...boohoo...**

**I know Kisame is one ugly piece of shit, but just pretend he was a handsome lil shark, just for this story okie? **

**Arigato tonz 4 da reveiws i did get, tis much appreciated!**

**Disclaimer: Would Masashi Kishimoto approve of having the word 'cock' in his work?

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Points Of View - A Big Cock Up

**Orochimaru's POV**

I looked at my heart-shaped Barbie watch…it said 4.05. Oh No! Was no one else coming to my party!

I dug around in the pretty gift bag from Itachi-kun and Kisame-kun. Ooh! Snake jewellery! I LOVE SNAKE STUFF EVEN MORE THAN BARBIE! Whoo! I put them on and glanced at my guests. Kisame looked like he was enjoying the food, his mouth stretched to almost bigger than mine to fit all the food in! I looked at Itachi…he seems bored…damn it!

**Kabuto's POV**

I growled at Kisame, he was eating EVERYTHING! The crisps, the popcorn, the cute little triangular sandwiches, the mini hotdogs, the mini quiches, the biscuits, the candies, the chocolate covered strawberries…

**Itachi's POV**

Wow…Kisame was eating A LOT! I watched him feeling slightly bored, where were the other guests?

I watched Kisame move across the table, devouring plates and plates of yummy little snacks, nothing looked really appetising…

My eyes widened animatedly, CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES!

**Kabuto's POV**

I grinned, Itachi had pushed Kisame out of the way and he tenderly picked up a chocolate strawberry and was licking it. I stared; this scene was making me feel…horny.

OH NO! What am I thinking! I love NO ONE but Orochimaru-sama!

I turned away from Itachi-kun and the chocolate covered strawberries…sucking…licking…Ooh…NO! No more naughty thoughts! I LOVE ONLY OROCHIMARU-SAMA!

I turned to face Orochimaru, he was putting a CD into the sound system at the end of the hall. I'd especially set up some massive speakers for his party. The Barbie album blared out of the speakers and the speakers were so powerful, I could actually feel the sound waves hitting me like a gentle breeze.

**Kisame POV**

I folded my arms; it was about time Itachi started eating! I bet I looked like a right greedy bastard eating the food all by myself! I watched grinning as Itachi savoured eat strawberry that he ate…he was so cute!

Suddenly, loud and I mean LOUD, girly music exploded from the other end of the hall and I looked to see Orochimaru dancing around all psycho like.

I sneered, Orochimaru just couldn't dance, he looked like he was a cross between a bad ballerina and a diseased monkey.

Kabuto however, was watching Orochimaru and cheering with pink hearts in his eyes…one word…Sickening.

"Hey! Maid boy!" I chuckled, "Did you invite anyone else to this little do?"

Kabuto pushed his glasses up his nose and grinned trying to hide his anger…heh…it's fun to take the piss out of little freaks!

"We have invited scores of guests actually!" He said defiantly, "There's Tsunade-sama, Jiraiya-sama, Kakashi-sama, Iruka-sama um…" Kabuto scratched his head marking off his fingers as he spoke, "…um…and there were some other people…but I can not be bothered to tell you."

**Itachi's POV**

Yum! Those strawberries were DELICIOUS! I licked my fingers and glanced at the table, two chocolate strawberries left…I snatched up another strawberry, the other guests probably didn't like strawberries as much as I do anyways!

Orochimaru danced his way over to me, I winced, he LOOKED like he was dying.

"Hey…Itachi-kun…wanna…dance?" He asked, wiggling his hips at me.

I smiled, "No…I'm okay, but why don't you dance with Kisame?"

Kisame turned sharply at the mention of his name, "Me!"

I grinned and whispered into Kisame's ear, "C'mon…it'll be a laugh."

**Kisame's POV **

I frowned as Orochimaru grabbed my hand and yanked me side to side doing his so-called dancing. Itachi was killing himself laughing, but Kabuto…heh…looked deadly jealous.

"Oh Kisame-kun! You are a…GREAT…dancer!" Orochimaru squealed, pulling me this way and that.

"Um…Thanks!" I said, watching in glee, as Kabuto turned green with envy then bright red in anger.

**Kabuto's POV**

BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD!

HE WAS TOUCHING! DANCING! HAVING FUN! WITH MY OROCHIMARU-SAMA!

I frowned…Orochimaru-sama looked like he was having fun too…

**Itachi's POV**

OMG! I CAN'T BREATHE! I was laughing so damn hard! Kisame was being thrown around like a cute ping-pong ball!

"THAT'S IT!" I heard Kabuto scream.

I turned in surprise and Kabuto grabbed me by the arms and made us dance ballroom style.

"Um…Kabuto…I don't really want to dance…" I said as Kabuto yanked me forwards so that we were chest to chest.

"Heh! This means war!" I heard Kabuto growl and then we were dancing.

I hate dancing…Why? Well for one Kabuto was stepping on my foot about a million times! And the other reason…well let's just say I've got some bad memories…

**Kisame's POV**

Orochimaru was on a roll and I was caught up in his mad dancing frenzy. I glanced at Itachi…He was dancing? Dancing! I raised an eyebrow, Itachi hadn't danced since that weird incident last year when he was drunk at the Christmas party and did the Macarena naked in front of all the Akatsuki members.

"Oi! Maid! You're a shitty dancer!" I said smirking, as Kabuto bared his teeth at me.

**Orochimaru's POV**

I was dancing queen! Young and Sweet only seventeen! Oops! I mean fifty odd…heh…

I smiled my party was going so well! But I still wondered where the HELL were my other guests! It was after all 4.20pm now.

I looked at Kisame-kun, he was saying something to Kabuto-kun.

So I looked at Kabuto-kun…he didn't look happy. He was dancing with Itachi…why! He was a crappy dancer…unlike me…and he'd told me before that he didn't like dancing…so why was he dancing with Itachi-kun now?

**Itachi's POV**

Ow! Stop standing on my foot damn it!

Kabuto was tensing up and squeezing my hands with a horrid death grip, OW! Jeez! Kabuto is a worse dancer than Orochimaru.

Kabuto yelled something to Kisame, sounded like, "You bastard I'll show you!"

I glanced at Kabuto; his face was red and angry, what the hell was going on?

Suddenly, with no warning whatsoever Kabuto leaned forwards and kissed me…my eyes closed…

**Kabuto's POV**

Ha! That would piss Kisame off!

I pressed my lips onto the surprised Itachi's and sucked tenderly, my eyes on Kisame the whole time. Kisame's eyes widened in shock and he froze on the spot his mouth gaping open so that I could clearly see his all his fillings.

Heh…take this bastard! I slowly edged my tongue into Itachi's mouth and watched in pleasure as a furious vein pulsated at the top of his head.

**Orochimaru's POV**

Oh…My…God…

I froze, m-my Kabuto-kun…he was…he was…

**Kisame's POV**

THAT LITTLE PIECE OF BASTARDY SHIT!

I clenched my fists; my heart pounded faster and faster preparing my body for a fight.

I AM GOING TO BEAT HIM TO A PULP!

I growled and my breathing got heavy.

BASTARD!

I'M GOING TO RIP HIS DICK OFF AND FEED IT TO THE DOGS!

I lunged forwards; his TONGUE was in MY Itachi's mouth!  
BASTARD! GET OFF MY ITACHI!

**Itachi's POV**

Hmm…This feels good…Kisame was always a great kisser…

My eyes snapped open. OMG! It wasn't Kisame!

I heard Orochimaru wail something that sounded like, "This is the worst birthday ever!"

Then I heard Kisame scream, "YOU BASTARD!"

And then everything else happened in slow motion. I pushed Kabuto away and he fell to the floor. Kisame leapt on him and proceeded to punch him over and over and over…

Orochimaru ran out of the hall crying.

OMG…what the fuck just happened!

**Kabuto's POV**

Ow! Heh, Heh! OW! Kisame the bastard shark was really pissed! Oh joy! OW! Heh, heh! OW Damn it! OW!

**Kisame's POV**

BASTARD! Take THIS! And THIS!

I punched furiously, crazily, angrily MWAHAHAHA! FEEL MY WRATH!

**Itachi's POV**

Kisame was turning Kabuto into a bloody pulp…Ew…that looks nasty…

"Kisame!" I said worriedly, "You're gonna kill him!"

"Grr! That's what I want!" Kisame growled, continuing the transformation of Kabuto into mincemeat.

I grabbed Kisame and heaved him off Kabuto, he threw in a swift stomp on Kisame's groin…ouch that's definitely got to hurt.

**Kabuto's POV**

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOW!" I screamed, now it's not funny any more…

**Kisame's POV**

HA! Kabuto you bastard!

Itachi pulled me up and I panted, beating up little freaks is energy draining!

"Kisame…" Itachi said looking softly into my eyes, "Gomen…gomen…gomen…"

I snarled at Kabuto, I think he was whimpering…heh…serves him right!

"Don't worry Itachi-kun!" I said maliciously, "Everything's alright now!"

"No! Gomen! Gomenasai! Oh! Gomen!" Itachi wailed nuzzling his face into my chest.

Oh shit…Itachi's gone into depressive mode again…

**Itachi's POV**

Suddenly I felt seriously fatigued…kind of the way I felt this morning before Sasuke came to visit.

What the hell is wrong with me! I feel like a huge vacuum cleaner just came by and sucked the happiness out of me…

Ugh…I feel seriously shit…so tired…so miserable…

Kisame looked at me worriedly, I think I was swaying in his arms.

"I…ugh…gomen…" I mumbled, my throat was extremely dry and what…there's two Kisame's?

Damn it…now I'm seeing things…

**Kabuto's POV**

Ow…OW…OW! As I tried to stand up pain erupted through every part of my body…ESPECIALLY my poor little groin!

I managed to stand up, my glasses were seriously askew, Itachi looked like he was shaking in Kisame's arms. I painfully pushed my glasses back into their usual position…Ow damn it…I think that bastard broke my nose! Hmm…it's not my vision…Itachi-kun really IS shaking.

I looked at my hands…blood…I looked at my sexy maid outfit…blood…I blink…blood was trickling down over my eye.

I sighed and then formed some hand seals…I concentrated chakra to all the painful areas in my body, which is practically everywhere and ESPECIALLY my poor little groin!

TA DA! Kabuto-kun all better! I frowned…no more boo boos…but DAMN IT my outfit is ruined…and Orochimaru-sama loved it so much…

Wait a sec…Orochimaru-sama…Oh shit!

**Orochimaru's POV**

I ran all the way to my bedroom crying. How could Kabuto kiss ANOTHER MAN! I thought he loved me?

This was the shittiest birthday ever…I felt so miserable…so depressed…

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! My special day is RUINED!

I threw myself onto my king-size Barbie print duvet bed and turned the water works on full blast. Everyone must hate me! Last year no one turned up…this year someone turns up, but they snog MY KABUTO!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I hate myself! HATE! HATE! HATE! HUGE MISERABLE ANGST!

I pulled the bobbles harshly out of my hair and threw them on the floor, and then I pulled all the jewellery off and flung them on the floor too. LIFE SUCKS!

**Kisame's POV**

Damn it! That Kabuto bastard healed himself! Grr! What a waste of my energy!

Oh no…Itachi…he's going all depressed and weak…damn it this is all Kabuto bastards fault!

Kabuto's POV Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! 

What have I done? Poor Orochimaru-sama!

I ran to Orochimaru's room and was greeted by the usual girlie pink Barbie wallpaper…but Orochimaru…he wasn't there!

Orochimaru! Oh no! Where are you!

**Iruka's POV**

I arrived at Orochimaru's place at 4.40pm. I knew I was kind of late and I felt bad about it, but it was all Naruto's fault! He made me buy him ramen and then I totally forgot what time it was!

I entered the hall, some cute girly pop music was booming out of the speakers, interesting…hmm…

Huh? Kisame is cradling a shaky Itachi, there's a puddle of blood in the middle of the room…

OMG! What the hell happened here!

I dropped my presents for Orochimaru, it shattered in the gift box…I frowned, damn it that was a really pretty Barbie glass ornament too!

"Um…excuse me…what happened?" I asked Kisame.

"Oh piss off!" Kisame screamed at me and then whispered to Itachi, "Are you okay? E-Everything's fine…Come on Itachi-kun..."

I sweat dropped and then went to look for the birthday boy.

**Orochimaru's POV**

I didn't want to see my happy Barbie room, I wanted to go somewhere depressing to match my mood. I ran down the corridor towards the dungeons…yes…it would be extremely dark in there and as a bonus there were many wonderful little torture devices too!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I still can't believe all this shit happened on MY birthday!

I ran sobbing down the stupid corridor, when something stupid ran into ME. I stopped in my tracks and sniffled.

**Kabuto's POV**

I ran through the corridors desperately searching for Orochimaru-sama. Poor, poor Orochimaru-sama!

I mentally kicked myself, over and over, how could I have been so stupid to upset Orochimaru-sama just for a chance to piss that bastard Kisame off!

It's really hard to run in high heels if you must know. Damn rock solid hard! I was hobbling clumsily about shouting, "Orochimaru-sama?" when I bumped into something really HARD.

**Iruka's POV **

"Ouch!" I said as Orochimaru absentmindedly head butted me in the chest. He was looking down and crying, so I guess that's why he didn't see me.

"Um…Orochimaru?" I said softly, patting him on the back, "Are you okay? What happened?"

Orochimaru looked at me, his eyes were hugely puffy and red, his hair looked kind of messed up too.

"Oh Iruka-kun!" He wailed, hugging me so tight I couldn't breathe, "It's horrible! HORRIBLE!"

I grimaced as he wiped his snot and tears on my shirt…it was my favourite shirt as well…the yellow one that said 'Yay! Sunshine!' on it.

I sighed, "What happened?"

Orochimaru squeezed me even harder and I seriously couldn't breathe then!

"Oh Kabuto-kun h-he…"

"He wh-what?" I croaked, Orochimaru was crushing my ribs with his deadly hug.

"He kissed Itachi!" Orochimaru wailed and then fell down to his knees bawling harder than ever.

Relieved that he'd let go of me I kneeled down to comfort the poor guy.

**Kisame's POV**

"Itachi…Itachi please…" I whispered urgently, "It's okay…it wasn't you're fault…"

Itachi looked up at me, he was looking ill now.

"Really? Y-You forgive me?"

"Of course!" I said kissing Itachi on the cheek.

Perhaps this stress attack stuff was inherited? After all, his brother Sasuke would also act this way when upset or worried. Like the time when Itachi announced to his brother that he was gay, whoa boy, Sasuke flipped and went on super depressed vibrating mode. But then again…Sasuke always appears depressed these days…so who knows…maybe he's still not got over Itachi being gay?

**Itachi's POV**

I felt great weights being lifted off my shoulders…my stress out was over…

"I love you." I said softly, nuzzling my face into Kisame's neck.

"I love you too." Kisame replied, pulling my face up for a passionate kiss.

Hmm…Yep…Kisame was the greatest kisser…

**Kakashi's POV**

Damn it, that hurt! Kabuto the little prick dressed up in God knows what just went flying into me! I frowned Kabuto was dressed up like a girl…weird…

"What's happening?" I asked.

"All hell has been let loose!" Kabuto yelled, pushing his glasses up.

"Really?" I said feeling rather amused.

I came to the so-called party fashionably late and saw Itachi and Kisame in some sort of kissing embrace, so didn't want to disturb them. Then I wandered into the corridor and get a little freakishly dressed punk flying into me.

"So...um…what exactly happened?" I asked, running my fingers through my hair…I had a girlie pop song stuck in my head from when I came in…damn it's irritating!

Kabuto explained something about kissing Itachi…I dunno…I wasn't really paying that much attention you see…

**Kabuto's POV**

Damn this dozy jounin! I don't think he was listening to anything I was saying! All I could see was his one exposed eye, looking me up and down in an amused way and his mind seemed to be filled with some musical tune or something.

"Are you bloody listening!" I asked angrily, as Kakashi had the nerve to yawn.

"Yeah, sure."

I snarled and then turned away, "Fuck you! I have to find poor Orochimaru-sama!"

I ran around everywhere looking for him, but he wasn't anywhere I looked…DAMN IT!

**Kakashi's POV**

Kabuto ran off mumbling something, so I thought I'd go home…after all this party seemed kind of messed up.

However, just as I pulled 'Icha Icha Paradise' out to read and was walking back towards the hall…there was an explosion.

Oh shit… Kabuto came flying towards me and we both flew painfully into a wall. Ouch!

**End Of Chapter**

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Ahh...another end boo...next chappie, i will update as soon as i can, have lots of shitty college work to do Argh!

Um...but if you like this story then feel free to check out my other fanfics, a few more have been dedicated to Itachi and Kisame from evil hypnotic influence of my lil Itachi loving sista!

Please please please reveiw, it's the only way i'll know if anyone likes my fanfic or not.

Arigatou! Ja ne!


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